Monologue
Aviators — Harry
Ruth Wolff
Harry: Jan went for a walk on the beach two hours ago and hasn’t returned. That’s not like her. Can’t see her. She doesn’t usually go out of sight of the house. (He crosses the room and looks out the downstage left window) Momentary quiet. The wreckers are taking their afternoon break. A small crowd has gathered. To watch the walls come tumbling down. Are they the same ones who yesterday came to praise? Have they returned today to see us reduced to rubble? Sic transit gloria mundi … (He returns to peer out the upstage glass doors.) Why doesn’t Jan come back? I wonder if she’s gone forever. Perhaps she walked into the sea. It would be just like her to end it with stones in one pocket and a copy of Virginia Woolf in the other. The coward’s way out! … No. Walking into the ocean is the essence of brave. As one walked in deeper and deeper there’d have to be tremendous will to fight the instinct to keep one’s head above the water, to not struggle against going under …. What if the waves refused to take you? What if they screamed “No!” and buoyed you up and cast you onto the beach — humiliatingly alive …. No. The waves don’t care if you want to float or if you want to drown. To them it makes no difference. Live or die, it makes no difference …. Goddam it, Jan, where are you?! (He starts to open the door to go out then stops himself.) Oh, what the hell! If that’s what you want to do, do it! I won’t stop you. God knows you have every reason. Now that we’ve come to the end of the line. (He comes into the room.) If she’s done it, I ought to have the courage to do it, too! One always has it at the edge of one’s mind — self-destruction. We all are Hamlets under the skin, wondering whether to be or not to be. It’s not whether or not we want to exit — it’s how to do it that’s the question. By the time you’ve figured it out — and assembled the instrument that will help you on the road to kingdom come, you feel it’s so much bother you may as well live a little longer …. My God! What if she’s actually seen it through! Actually chosen to go by water! What if, even now, she’s being tossed up on the shore, bloated and blue —! (Suddenly panicked, he starts rushing upstage right toward the glass doors.)