Monologue
The Inspector — Khlestakov
Nikolai Gogol, translated by Richard Nelson, Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky
Khlestakov: They even write “Your Excellency” on my envelopes. Once I even ran a department. It was strange: the director left — but where he left for, nobody knew. Well, naturally, talk went around: how, what, who’ll fill his place? A lot of generals were eager to take it up, but they’d go nearer and — no, too complicated. It looks easy enough, but on closer inspection — oh, my God! Then they saw there was no way around it — and came to me. And just then, down all the streets, couriers, couriers, couriers … can you picture it, thirty-five thousand couriers alone! “What’s up?” I ask. “Ivan Alexandrovich, come and run our department.” I confess, I was a bit embarrassed, I came out in my dressing gown; I was going to refuse, but I thought: it will reach the sovereign, and also get into my service record … “Very well, gentlemen, I’ll take the job, I’ll take it,” I say, “so be it,” I say, “I’ll take it, only with me: uh, uh, uh! … I keep my eyes open! I’ll just …” And really, whenever I walk through the department, it’s as if there’s an earthquake, everything trembles and shakes like a leaf.